Day 26

Today was the day.

I walked out of my job for the last time and surprised myself as I let out a cry that didn’t stop once I entered the metro, nor when I walked home. It wasn’t until I sat on the same sofa where I had overanalysed today’s events beyond belief merely a few days ago that everything finally caught up with me.

I had tried to come up with every possible scenario, everything that could go wrong, and with every anxiety-inducing thought, a solution or a phrase to fall back on. The disrespect that lingered up until the last day wasn’t one of the outcomes I had prepared for, but it works for me.

I had spent so long fearing the possibility of doubting the career change that I never considered that it would act as a testament to why it was the right decision.

Today wasn’t what I expected, but it fit right into the pattern I had been living, and it convinced me of my own decision to shift both my career and my identity.

Day 26 is definitely impacted by the landmark I just reached. I didn’t think I could leave a job after pouring every bit of my being into it, and yet I did. It’s currently 8 p.m., and I want to leave room for the possibility of reading further into the evening. As though the world has only just opened up before my eyes, I’m okay with using the rest of this Friday for my mind to calibrate with all the changes coming in starting tomorrow.

It’s hard to read when you’ve had a hard day. It’s hard to read when you’re exhausted after a long day at work. We often talk about fitting reading into our day-to-day lives as though it’s simply a matter of discipline, but the truth is that some days are just harder than others.

We’re constantly told that consistency is the most significant asset to have today, as though everything else will fall into place once you’ve mastered it. Or as though life will stop interfering if you just stick to the plan. For social media, for the algorithm, for our goals. But I think we’ve forgotten that external factors really do influence the way we approach the things we love, especially when those things are as slow-paced and immersive as reading.

Reading is the only thing I can’t put in the background. I can’t read while I’m doing something else. It asks for my full attention, and on days like today, that’s the one thing I don’t have much left to give. It often makes me wonder how many people have abandoned hobbies that require time and presence, replacing them with activities that are easier to fit around the noise.

Today, the noise drowned my reading experience.

It’s quite possible that some days are simply meant for writing.

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